Frozen and Can't Breathe
by Elena Roosevelt
Summary: Dan chooses Serena at last. Based on Season 5. Derena/Dair/Chair triangle. Note: Some things have been changed, Ivy didn't get the apartment and Serena isn't GG. Contains spoilers for those not up to Season 5.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – Never Forgive, Never Forget

The cold March night had kept Serena up as she sat in bed typing away at her laptop. Since having been given Gossip Girl by her supposed friend she had always had something to do should she be unable to sleep. As she opened up yet another useless tip she noticed a small picture way down in the archives of her new blog. Sighing she glanced away, pictures of the old days were never ones to remember, especially not now.

In fact her mind was miles away, over at a regular loft in Brooklyn where a young man lay awake in his own bed. By his side was a small cabbage patch doll but even with his regular comforts around him Dan Humphrey could not sleep. At his side were all the pictures his sister and friends had stuck on the small interior wall of the loft. Some were extremely old, of gap toothed Jenny and a freshman year Dan. Others were slightly more recent, Vanessa before she had left for the first time. Then there were the ones Dan had been pondering over, junior year of high school and the dates he had shared with his then girlfriend. Glancing over them now gave Dan a pang in his chest. When he was with Serena he was practically a different person, the year before Vanessa had said that he was freer, wilder but it wasn't just that, with Serena he was himself one hundred percent.

Giving up on sleeping he picked up the photos and got up to pin them back to the wall. However one floated out of the pile and landed at his feet, upon inspection Dan realised what it was and dumped the rest of the pile on the ground before just picking up that lone photo. Serena's back was curved gracefully downward as the gold material clung to her in a way that would make any other girl cry, her hair, swept up in a ponytail, hung down her back in waves. The expression on Dan's face was one he barely remembered, a smile of love and longing and lust, it was the expression he couldn't think to use with any other girl. Basically, it was the expression that a boy who had finally won the girl of his dreams would use. Was he just a boy then? Now he had Blair, the girl he had been after for the past year and their relationship was a mature one. Together they watched films and debated politics, she knew about his favourite books and they discussed lectures they had been recited by professors at various openings. With Blair he was the intellectual Dan, the guy that he wasn't so open about with Serena but he wasn't necessarily the Dan that people remembered. In many ways Blair had taken over Vanessa's role in Dan's life, she was the girl who he went to about these matters and look where that got him.

A few miles away, over a river and soaring winds the very girl Dan had been staring at so happily was glancing at a similar picture. On the screen before her was the now maximised picture of that one dance, that one ball. Looking back on that day Serena couldn't believe how selfish she had been, the cotillion was a day to be spent with those you loved, promoting yourself the way you wanted to be promoted. Who was the one trying to get her to change back then? It certainly wasn't Dan and yet he was the man she turned away that day and the man she barely wanted to see when he came to save her and dance with her, just the way she wanted to dance. They fit together like fire and ice, quelling each other and enhancing the other. Not in the way of Dan with Blair where they shared everything in common but in the way that everything they said and did was an adventure, everything they did was an experience to be cherished. Serena truly missed those days right now with the sun long lost to the world, her heart felt like it was sinking with it.

Not even thinking she got up and ran to her closet. On the rails was that very dress pictured, last year Ivy had worn it, that bitch with her fake illnesses and pretence of love and respect. It was that girl that had ruined the idea of that golden sheath of fabric. Almost wanting to scream in rage Serena only contained the annoyance due to the sleeping mother and step-father upstairs. Lily and Rufus didn't need to know all these problems...Rufus. Never before had the idea of the family that she shared with her love hit her so hard. Here she was angered by Dan's love for Blair rather than her when her mother was upstairs sharing a bed with his _father. _Almost repulsed by her own feelings Serena sat back down carefully and curled into a ball. With a withering sob she allowed her body to rock backwards and forwards. As she leaned backwards her heart almost sank, with every forward motion she gained emotion and longing and just a general wishing for the past to return.

It had been her fault they had broken up at the end of their junior year. Pretending that she had slept with some other guy rather than letting Dan know and accept and love the old her. Even Blair had hated aspects of the old Serena but Dan wouldn't have cared about that, he would love every part of his girlfriend and she hadn't accepted that. Angry at herself she stood up, grabbed some shoes from the bottom of the closet and the first dress she could lay her hands on. Pulling off her nightwear and clipping on a fresh bra Serena got into the clothes she had chosen. Running out of the apartment she didn't even stop to think about telling her worried family about where they might find their precious member. What was she doing at the penthouse anyway? Now that she lived with Blair she had no reason to be back at her family's home but there was no way she could be in the same house – let alone room – as the girl who had managed to get Dan when Serena couldn't.

Finally Dan managed to lie back down shattered but as one lone, solitary tear rolled down his smooth skin he realised that looking back at the past had made him long for it all the more. Here he was, early twenties and living by himself with a girlfriend still married to a prince, what could he do but wish for a different life? Just then he heard a knock at the door, tentative, unsure. Grabbing hold of a robe to drape over his night stuff he wandered over to the front of the loft, his footsteps padding against the cold flooring. Opening the door slightly he was shocked to see his ex just standing there, wiping away the tear quickly he opened the door fully and beckoned her in. "Serena?" he asked, majorly confused as to what was going on.

But she wanted no words. Striding over to him she kissed him, her hands wrapping into his hair and her purse dropping onto the floor. Staggered Dan moved back but soon realised that to move was impossible, almost strolling back to her he treasured her face in his hands before moving his lips back to hers and parting them with one smooth breath.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Gravity, Your Lips Were Like Gravity

The morning's sun woke the two sleeping lovers from the depths of sleep. Rolling over and spotting his ex in his bed Dan got a sense of déjà vu, wasn't this just like that well remembered night almost two years ago. Back then Dan had been angry that his sister had taken a picture of the sleeping duo when nothing had happened except one kiss but this time he had done something, something inexcusable when he had a girlfriend waiting for him across the river. However Dan hadn't done anything with _any _girl in well over a year, since he decided that Blair was his one true goal, even now when he was with Blair they hadn't managed to get round to doing anything further than getting extremely worked up. Almost angered that he had let himself go for Serena in a way that had never worked with his actual girlfriend Dan turned his back on the dozing blonde and allowed his thoughts to go into overdrive.

Meanwhile Serena was gradually allowing herself to remember the night before, or at least early that morning. As the memories came back to her she touched her soft skin at the nape of her neck, the crease of her elbow, all the places Dan had gently touched her with his fingertips then. Never in her life had Serena felt so guilty, twice now she had taken Blair's boyfriend and slept with them but Dan was her life, her orbit. Even Jenny Humphrey had got it right, when two people were mythic, epic, invincible, they always come together or they combust, there were no two ways about it with the inevitable. With a deep sigh she turned her body towards the man she loved and wrapped her arms around his turned back. Knowing that now was not the moment to say anything Serena just crept her hands around to his chest and placed her head tentatively against his shoulder. As the blonde hair that she was so well known for slunk down his bare arms he couldn't help himself from turning around and holding her against him as gently as he would any angel.

"Serena…" he started, attempting to find the words but all failed when he noticed a couple of stray tears escaping her closed eyes. Raising one finger he wiped them away as they started their graceful tracks down her elegant face. "Shh…" he rocked her backwards and forwards, lowering his face to hers and leaving his nose faintly touching her forehead. "What's the matter?" he asked, truthfully wondering why she was so upset, had she not loved it as much as he had?

Managing to open her eyes carefully Serena pried her eyes away from Dan's face and took in the room she had gathered to know so well. Very little had changed since she had first come into this room that night in her junior year. Back then the candles had flickered casting their shadowy glow against the outline of his jaw and his hair and his mouth. That night, when they had come so far from their beginnings and so close to the ultimate loving act she had truly seen that Dan was the first guy to honestly look at her and to have liked what they had seen. It was the first time she had truthfully regretted giving herself up so much earlier, if she had known Dan was waiting for her would she have stopped Nate at the wedding reception? Right now, looking back at the old Serena she had to hope that she would have done. Did it matter than Dan was technically not her first? When he hurt her and left her or he kept on helping her even when she was a bitch to him, that was when she realised that he was her first emotionally. Whatever thoughts had stopped Blair from admitting she was in love with Dan they certainly weren't ones that denied he was special and amazing because even Serena had realised that from the very first date, from day one.

Sitting up Dan pulled Serena up with him. Looking at her with just the thinnest of his t-shirts on and little else he couldn't help but remember his adolescent days. In the days when being attractive trumped all else he had idolised this girl, her hair like a halo around her head and her skin glowing like the sun. When he was down she would raise him up. Not even Jenny, nor Vanessa, or his father could stop him from wishing this girl was his and then they had spoken, had saved his sister from Chuck and he couldn't help but fall for her harder.

Everything about their relationship had been an adventure. Having sex for the first time and finding out that waiting for her was the best decision he had ever made. Telling her that someone on this planet loved her for who she truly was, even with any faults she had and regardless of any problems they faced. Even losing her and getting her back, setting her free so she could be with Nate, all of it was something that Dan would always love. One day in the future he didn't want to be like his father had been, ignorant and proud, too proud to keep hold of those he loved, the one woman who would ever be his truest love. Did it matter than Serena was his stepsister? Not to him it didn't. Did it matter that he was with Blair? There was always confusion with relationships but how could she truly love him when she hadn't even been able to sleep with him? At least Serena had always showed how much she wanted him, Blair hadn't been.

Not being able to lose her ex again Serena got up and grabbed her dress, pulling the t-shirt off and throwing it on the ground she stepped back into her garment. Walking over to Dan she indicated he should zip her back up. "I love you Dan but you're still with Blair and I'm still her best friend. I meant what I said after the wedding, I always have loved you and I always will do but I want you to be happy…however that is achieved." Getting up with a struggling stride and walking out it was all Dan could do not to run after her and smother her in kisses but he managed. Watching her go he lay back on the bed and sighed, he had to choose and whatever he did managed to decide would hurt people he loved.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – No Difference, Only Similarities

Unable to face a day with Blair after what she had done Serena did the only thing she knew, she ran away. Once at her mom's she felt far safer than when she was with anyone else, her mother always knew what to do but Serena didn't want to worry her when she was already dealing with so much. Grimacing Serena decided that just being with her mom would be enough. Noticing almost thirty missed calls from her best friend it was also immediately decided that to put her phone away would probably save her problems later. Another pang of guilt went through her as she grabbed her mom's arm and just hugged her.

"Serena? What's wrong?" her mom asked with utter confusion evident on her face, what had her daughter got up to now? As far as Lily was concerned the less she knew about Serena and her 'lifestyle' the better off she was and the less she could worry about how bad a parent she must have been. Rubbing her daughter's back in smooth circles the ideas that were plaguing her mind caused her skin to crease into dents and lines on her forehead. "Serena, honey, are you okay?" she asked, getting more and more concerned as she said nothing. Glancing around the room she looked for someone who might be able to help, perhaps Blair or Chuck or Dan were around and would be able to take her daughter off her hands, they must have more of an idea of what to do about her hysterical daughter than she did. Gradually the tears leaking from Serena's eyes were staining her mother's designer blouse, almost as worried about the dry-cleaning bill as she was for her family's welfare Lily pushed her daughter gently backwards and smoothed her hair down from her face. "Now do you want to tell me what is wrong?" she asked her, still concerned as to what she could do to help.

"No mom, I don't want to worry you after Grandma..." Serena trailed off, it still hurt her to think about her late grandmother CeCe when she had been such a prominent figure in her childhood. Not that she would ever think of her in a completely clear light, even Dan had seen through her at cotillion. However her mother was still in grieving, as were the rest of the family, there was no way she needed to have this loaded on her as well especially considering she knew how much rested on the fourth time for Dan and Serena. Determined to keep the true problem away from her mother at all costs Serena looked at her watch and was about to move and make some sort of notion of the time but Lily got there first.

"Something _is _the matter Serena and I wouldn't be a very good mother if I wasn't to ask what it was...so do you want me to find someone, Dan maybe?" Lily knew that Dan was always there for Serena, even now when he was evidently so hooked up on her best friend. The two of them, Dan and Serena, had grown up when they were with each other and Serena was certainly better off for it. Everything Dan had ever done had been to try and help her daughter, Lily had to give him that and she certainly felt like they still belonged to each other. Maybe it was going to take Dan a while to realise that but one day he would, Lily was sure of it. Thinking of her own relationships the mother knew that you could never run away from your truest love, not even if there were a million things in your way, not if there were more. However her daughter was despondent at the idea, maybe Dan _had _gone too far in his quest to snag Blair and had hurt Serena more than she was willing to go back from.

"Don't call Dan, please mom, please don't." Grabbing hold of one of her mother's hands in both of hers Serena was practically begging. A glint in her eye was practically expanding as she imagined her mother calling Dan and telling him that Serena was in a state, no way could she do that when Dan would assume that she didn't enjoy herself. No, Serena had loved every minute of her time with Dan and that was the problem, she couldn't let him think she hadn't enjoyed it but if everyone found out just _how _much she had enjoyed that night what would happen with Blair? As far as Serena could tell her friends were happy together and that was the thing, they were her friends, how could she screw them over for something that had failed three times before? Looking her mom in the eye she could tell that Lily was starting to work out what had happened, "Don't call anyone, please mom." Clutching hold of her mother like a life support it was her guidance she needed.

Not particularly mollified by her daughter's cries of halting but accepting them none the less Lily started to work out what was going on. "Did something happen with Dan?" she asked her daughter carefully knowing that if she said anything to hastily she might be rebuffed. However Serena didn't rebuff her, she just shook some more and cried small tears. Needing no other confirmation Lily wrapped her arms back around her daughter ignoring the inevitable salty stains from the droplets trickling from the blue pupils before her. "Serena..." Lily began, unsure how to say what she was going to without making the situation worse, "Did Dan choose you at last?" she asked, not sure what she wanted to hear or how to make the situation more bearable for either of them. If Dan hadn't chosen then Lily wasn't sure what to make of her step-son, and then there was that. Would it make it difficult between her and Rufus if their children were together again? Lily knew most mothers doubted how serious a relationship would be for their child during school but Lily knew her daughter and knew that the way she felt for Dan would never go away.

Serena shook her head, no Dan hadn't chosen her, she hadn't given him the opportunity to. "No, I walked out after... well, I walked out anyway. I didn't let him speak, I felt so guilty after what I had done to Blair and to you and to him as well," wiping her eyes gently on her sleeve Serena stepped back a little and slid along the couch till she felt like she was separate from Lily. Wrapping her arms around herself she stopped anymore tears from coming, she didn't want to cry more tears for Daniel Humphrey, not until the whole situation was sorted and she had to work things out with Blair, she had to tell her friend. Picking up her phone she replied to the most recent text message. _Sorry B, I'm here but we need to talk...it's about you and Dan. S x _and with her conscience slightly more mollified Serena also sent a text to Dan _I'm going to tell Blair, you need to choose Dan. S _Certain she was making the right decision here Serena had picked and Blair had picked, now it was just up to Dan to choose as well.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Look Before you Fall

As soon as Serena left Dan was confused, he needed to talk to somebody, anybody and preferably not someone who would immediately go and rat to Blair. Well that meant that someone like Nate was completely out of the question, not even Dan could assume that he would keep a secret like this from his ex especially after he was the one hurt after the last time. The worst thing that could happen is that Gossip Girl found out, that meant that it had to stay with people that he trusted. Right now Dan felt awful, what he had done to Blair was the thing he had always promised he would never do, cheat. However he had almost done it on Serena with Georgina and he had kissed Serena when he was with Vanessa, perhaps he was innately evil? Maybe this was a part of his nature.

Just then the front door slammed closed, someone with keys then but who? Looking around his door Dan saw his dad and he pulled his open shirt tighter together across his chest. "Hey dad," he said, slightly grateful for the interruption but far more worried than anything, he knew his dad believed that whenever he was with Serena things got messy and he didn't want him to be disappointed in him either. Rufus was perceptive though and Dan knew he would almost immediately notice that something was up with his son, with just Dan there and Jenny having gone back to their mom's permanently he didn't even have his materialistic bitch of a daughter to analyse, that just left a wounded Dan. "What are you doing here?" asked Dan, hoping to get things off to a fairly good start, better butter up the parental before admitting he had cheated on his girlfriend of less than a month. Now that his father knew the truth, and had happened to walk in on the lack of action his son was getting, it was only fair that he knew that it was only after sleeping with Serena that Dan had admitted he had just buried his feelings for his ex rather than removing them.

Now was not the time for a heart to heart about the past and what had happened, Dan just wanted his father to tell him what to do next. Grinning at his son he slapped him on the back, Dan continued to button up the shirt he had on and passed a hand through his morning after hair.  
"I'm here to grab one of the guitars and shuttle it back to Manhattan, though if you want to talk..." Rufus trailed off because he knew it wasn't wise to push his son however he knew something was bothering him and by the vacant loft it didn't even seem to be Blair trouble which Rufus had gotten pretty darn good at sorting out by now. Glancing down at his son he shrugged, "I guess I could move it later and make waffles," he suggested noticing the lack of breakfast things on the side, no good him leaving here on an empty stomach.

Whilst his father worked Dan thought. How could he put this to his father without him thinking he was some sort of awful person? Seriously Dan did like Blair and he meant what he said when he had spoken to her, she was what would make him happy and he was perfectly secure in the knowledge that picking her over Serena would be something that would make him the happiest man alive. However with Serena he was so much more, sure, they would fight about stupid things and barely agreed on anything maybe that was a good thing though, being similar would be boring with Serena and life with her was never boring. That sex last night had been incredible and it was something that Dan had missed, being close to Serena wasn't just about that but it was more than with Blair they _connected _and they connected in a way that Dan never did with anyone else.

Listing his relationships in his head Dan knew that Serena was the one that continued to make his heart race and gallop about in his chest. Vanessa had been fun and they had known each other inside out but she was jealous and emotional and hated all his friends, especially Serena. Olivia had been gorgeous and sweet and sensitive but that had all ended thanks to Vanessa herself, she had been too much for Dan as well and not in the Serena way, with Olivia he really had felt like he had his head barely above water and was about to drown. Now there was Blair, with her he felt intellectual, like he was discussing things he truly enjoyed but couldn't he do that with a friend? He gave her advice about Louis and Chuck, wrote her vows for her and kept her entertained all through the horrors of that miscarriage. Basically to Blair he was the prince charming but he was the prince that kept her entertained, was there for her, was that why their love life failed? They were just friends? Looking at it like that he knew that Chuck made her the worst of herself but even Serena brought out the better side of Blair, how was Dan that much more than her after all?

Waking up from his day dream about his past Dan looked at his dad. "I think I did something stupid," he told him groaning, how did he choose? Right now he could just be blinded by Serena in much the same way as he was blinded by Blair when he was with her. "I slept with Serena...again." He told his dad bluntly, not bothering to sugar coat what was going to sound bad however he put it. But the action felt right, telling his father that he was back to his high school self, mad about Serena van der Woodsen, it actually wasn't too bad, it felt right somehow. By his father's sharp intake of breath he could tell that he disagreed. Just then Dan's phone buzzed. Grimacing he noticed Serena's message was not open to options, grabbing his father's wrist Dan shoved the message into his hand. Rufus appeared less frustrated at the message than at what his son had done.

"Dan, why would you do this to yourself? To Blair? To Serena?" Listing all the people Dan cared about made the boy realise that it wasn't just him he'd be hurting here, if it was possible to feel worse than he already had been it certainly was happening now. "Look, you need to talk to Blair and to Serena separately. Choose once and for all, who do you want to be with? Nobody else can make this decision for you, Serena chose you eventually so don't you think you owe it to her to choose somebody as well?" Clapping his son on the back he left the loft quietly, still worried that his son was making a huge mistake here, as much as he had been sceptical of his son's relationship with Blair they had seemed to blossom and they were almost certainly perfect together, perfect on an intellectual level anyway. Even Rufus couldn't deny the fatal attraction between Serena and Dan though. They always seemed to end up together, they were like magnets, and eventually the pull became too much and all other relationships combusted because of them.

Sweating slightly Dan tapped out a message to Serena. _I need to talk to Blair myself...as well. You're right, I need to end this. Sorry. _Sending it with a sigh Dan did what would turn out to be even harder, he grabbed his phone and arranged a meeting with Blair, _Please be alone and please forgive me, D _he ended the text on that note and sent that as well. Burrowing his head into his arms he felt like hitting himself, how could he be such an idiot as to give up what he had with Blair? Would he be able to give up what he had with Blair? Dan knew he had to choose and in his heart he knew what he would choose, _who_ he would always choose. One day in the past he had told Serena he would always be there for her and he intended to stick by that promise, even if that meant ruining himself in the short term for something that he knew he would always return to in the long term.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – There's a girl that gives a shit behind these walls but you just walked through it

As Blair changed into a pleasant day dress she wondered what it was that made both Serena and Dan so desperate and determined to talk to her in the same day. Since she had got with Dan her best friend had been distant and stand-offish. Whilst it made sense given what Blair had done to Serena the brunette seriously hoped that one day the two girls might make it up to each other, after all, Serena had gone out with Nate who Blair had dated for years, surely they were kind of at a moot point now?

Quickly hurrying into her heels Blair decided to leave the apartment fairly casually, there was no big reason to make a huge fuss, just because two people wanted to see her in the same day she needn't panic nor worry. Frustrated by her heels as they caught between the slabs on the sidewalk Blair hailed a cab and sailed away towards Dan. Already she had agreed to see him first, Serena had agreed to wait until Blair had met with Dan when she explained that he had said it was important, after all, Dan knew what constituted important in Blair's mind and he wouldn't have asked to see her so urgently if it wasn't important. Moreover Blair was concerned over what it might be that he wanted to do considering he had asked her to be alone, no way was now the right time for sex considering she was going off to see Serena afterwards. Clearing up her make-up from the view of her compact before stepping out the cab Blair flung her money at the driver, already assuming it was the right amount or higher before darting up the steps to the loft.

Still at his home Dan waited nervously for Blair, his heart was pounding but in his head only pictures of Serena surfaced. No way did he want to hurt her by pleading with Blair or making any promises to never do anything like this again. When he had been with Vanessa he had kissed Serena, when he had been with Georgina he had always bumped into Serena and Nate and longed for the old times, Dan was never one to get over Serena. Not one to back down from what he had done wrong though; Dan sat still in his stool as he waited precariously close to the door for his girlfriend to come barging in. Angered by what he had done he got up shakily as a tentative knock commenced on the panels of the door. Opening it up he saw his girlfriend in all her glory, his hands shook slightly as he hugged her close to him. There was no doubt in his intelligent mind that he cared for Blair hugely, but what was caring for someone compared to truly loving them? Serena and Blair were so different but only one of them could hold his attention when it came to matters other than intelligent conversation. There was no way Serena would ever try to change him but Blair already had, she hadn't wanted to be with him at first because he wasn't the Upper East Side god that all her previous boyfriends had been, he was just Lonely Boy from Brooklyn.

Grimacing in the stranglehold hug Blair stepped back delicately before staring at Dan's face carefully. Even before they had become an item she had known him, recognised the emotions on his face, she had on Valentine's Day before he had kissed her, she knew what he was like and what each slightly different facial movement could indicate. Ducking her head before staring him straight in the eyes Blair asked the same question she had to him then, the sadness in his eyes tearing the question out of her. "What would make you happy Dan?"

As the words were spoken Dan knew he had just one word to say to Blair, one word that he should always know, one word that his fifteen year old self had so rightly mentioned too often for his family to bear. "Serena," he told Blair with a frown on his lips, a wandering of the eyes as he refused to look at the girl he had pledged himself to. But Blair didn't hit him or punch him; she didn't get angry immediately she just seemed sad,

"Now I know how Louis felt when he finally realised I had chosen Chuck over him, always would choose Chuck over him. Don't be worried though, don't be upset, you belong with Serena, I always told her that just as I have always told you, one day I promised her you would wake up and see it and now here you are! Just tell me... what happened?" A small flash of hurt crossed her face as she said these words and it was almost too much to bear, how could Dan have done that? Ruining Blair's happiness and welfare after her losing the baby, Louis and Chuck? What sort of a horrific person was he? Then the answer came to him, like all the answers kept coming to him and again, it was Serena. Whether he was dead or alive, depressed or over the moon, Dan would always orbit around Serena, it was how it was meant to happen.

Suddenly reaching out for Blair, Dan clasped the girl he had thought would make him happy to his chest. In many ways she had made him happy, she had made him feel needed again. Since Serena he hadn't been the guy who came to save and help, everything had been out of his control, Milo had been taken from him and then Vanessa had practically forgotten about their years of friendship and ruined his life in so many ways. Blair had been his little moment of happiness but not love; he had failed to see the difference. Sitting her down on the couch Dan placed his arm lightly around her, a lot like he had when they were still just friends and Blair leaned her head against him, as if waiting for him to speak some more.

"Last night we slept together, Serena and I. It wasn't planned but both of us were awake and she came here and things just happened, I never meant to hurt either of you and I told Serena I would tell you everything." Turning Blair around again so she faced him Dan pulled her slightly close to him, his hands resting on her shoulders gently. Running his fingers through her hair he just remembered the good times with Blair, his brain almost skipping over the bad, "I know I am a terrible person and I understand if you never want to see me again but don't blame Serena, she loves you, you two are like family in a way I could never understand."

Once upon a time Dan had had his perfect family. His mom, his dad and his sister were frequently joined by the teenage V, the one who wasn't there to fuck up his life and ruin his fortunes. Other than leading him to Blair through his book she had done little to help him and really, how was that a help after what he was doing now? Grabbing a hold of Blair's hand Dan leant in for one final kiss. As their lips separated Blair stood up with a shrug,

"I'm due to see S now, nice speaking to you Humphrey." And she practically ran out the apartment, knowing that he had hurt her so badly Dan did nothing except send a message to Serena, one that he hoped would lighten her load but would also burden their's, they had always said that they would only get one more shot, would this be it?  
_Spoke to Blair; she's coming to see you. I love you, I know I shouldn't say it so soon after Blair but meet up later and we can discuss this some more. Dan_

With a loping stroll back to his room Dan dropped his phone on the couch, not pausing to see who messaged him as he strolled off. It was a message from S, one that would have lifted his heart if he hadn't already known what it would say. _I'll see you later, I love you too, always have and always will. S x_


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 – I never thought I'd be alone on Valentine's Day

Both Serena and Dan had done it, they had spoken to Blair about what had happened and had left her shocked and exasperated. In the case of Serena it had also broken an unspoken rule for the second time in their lifetimes, don't sleep with your best friend's boyfriend. However Serena also saw it as different this time, with Nate it had been lust and alcohol and fifteen year old idiocy, with Dan it was so much more, it was love and hope and a truest of true loves. Anyone who knew the two together knew that they had to be together, for Dan and Serena this day had been five long years coming, for Dan even longer. Today was the day they could finally give themselves up for a mature, adult relationship. In many ways that was what Dan had wanted all those years before, Serena on the other hand, well, she admitted herself that she remained immature the entire way through high school.

However you looked at the situation you had to understand one thing, Serena truly was sorry for what she had done to Blair, as was Dan. Neither had truly meant for what had happened to have happened, especially not so soon after Dan finally got his 'dream girl' but what happened couldn't be changed and Blair would have to accept that. Maybe not accept actually, Serena knew her friend couldn't fathom the idea of acceptance, except in the case of the Humphreys who she claimed to hate for the first three years of knowing them. Excluding Jenny she now seemed to bear them all, Jenny didn't count as a Humphrey to Serena as that made her family and no way did she act as family should do to Serena. Whenever she now came to visit Serena made sure she was nowhere nearby, there was no way the two of them would get on since she tried to kill her the year before, or at least since Juliet had tried to kill her the year before with Jenny's help. Not that Serena was bitter or anything.

Waiting in Central Park for Serena was Dan. Hopping about from foot to foot he clutched his phone in one hand in case of an important call and a book in the other to read from. This book was one recommended by Serena herself and was one he hadn't read, strangely enough for him. _The Beautiful and Damned_ was a story of trials within love and right now was appropriate for Dan. Right now he needed to talk properly to Serena, they had gone out far too many times to allow another break-up, and Dan would be surprised if even their friendship would survive any more bust-ups. As she came towards him he shut the book with a thump and shoved it into the satchel he carried on his hip.

When Serena reached Dan she immediately took him in for a hug before thinking better of it and remembering that Gossip Girl existed everywhere in this city, it was unfortunate but true. Not wanting to rub salt in the wounds of her best friend, if she was still her best friend, she stepped back and looked around the park awkwardly. It was Dan who finally made a move "Should we..." he gestured towards the main pathway they were facing and towards the benches that they could sit on. His ex nodded gratefully, happy to have someone to follow and somewhere to go. They walked in an amicable silence, neither wanted to break the moment or bring up the dreaded topic. However when they sat down they knew that somebody had to speak, for once it was Serena.

"What do we do this time Dan?" she demanded, unsure where they stood, how far they could go with this without hurting all those around them. For once Dan had no answers and sat there quietly for a moment pondering,

"We jump, just like we knew we had to last year when we spoke about this. We sink or we swim and I want to swim Serena, I really do." As Dan spoke Serena looked into his eyes and saw that he wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him, it had just been fear holding them back and the idea that they were made for other people more than each other. Grabbing his hand she was more animated now,

"I want to swim Dan; I want to be with you no matter what anyone else says. It's always been you. I was a fool not to see it till too late but I see it now and I see that I want to be with you more than anyone else."

"Nate?" Asked Dan, curious as to how far her limits went. "Carter?" Dan was quite happy to list the few guys he knew that Serena had dated but she cut him off.

"All of them." Serena ducked her head, knowing that her choosing between Nate and Dan could not have made this situation any easier, considering she chose but never truly told Dan that he had won the battle. However this didn't seem to matter to him now, he placed an arm round the back of her neck and kissed her gently. After pulling away he grinned at her.

"And I love you more than any of the others. Blair, Vanessa, Georgina, Olivia...all of them. I promise that I'll be faithful to you and care about you more than you can ever imagine, I am willing to fight for us Serena, if you're willing too."

Serena didn't even fathom such a question with a response other than to kiss him again. Just then a small girl of about fourteen went past, her eyes trained on the couple. Grabbing her phone she quickly snapped a picture before sending it in, not ten seconds later both Dan and Serena's phones buzzed. Immediately they knew who would send them simultaneous texts. Opening up the message they saw the picture of them kissing above the words:

_Seems like Lonely Boy and everyone's favourite It Girl have finally tried again. Can this time last seeing the four failed attempts...wait no, the last time was all staged. Yes you heard me right, that beautiful New Year's kiss wasn't so beautiful after all. Good luck, you've got us all watching you._

If either of the couple cared they didn't seem to show it, instead they got up and walked off at a slow pace, side by side. Every so often they would catch the other glancing their way and would look away embarrassed but secretly pleased for the attention. Even Dan, who used to hate the Gossip Girl blasts on his high school life, didn't mind the unnecessary attention, in fact he seemed to be relishing in it. As the couple sped up around the park they held hands, content in the new relationship that was in fact so old. Not even the eyes that followed them as they made their way around the grass and the shrubs could stop them from being truly happy.

It did stop Blair being happy though. Annoyed by all the press her best friend and her most recent boyfriend were getting she slammed the lid down on her laptop. "Dorota!" she screamed at her hapless maid, "Get the bread; we're going to feed the ducks." Right now her mood called for some relaxation time and a lot of it. Unsure whether or not she was annoyed at herself, Dan or Serena, opting to be angry at the two traitors rather than herself she stalked towards the elevator of her apartment and made her way to the duck pond quickly, practically launching the food at the excited ducks. Fairly sure this day couldn't get any worse she was happy to sit there chucking the bread.

Meanwhile little Jenny Humphrey sat at her sewing machine in her room in London. University life was going well for her, graduating from Hudson hadn't actually been the worst idea, she had gone to a good school and had spent time with her mother who managed to teach her the best ways to promote herself as an artist. Now she was learning so much more about fashion and the arts and she had her dreams all within her grasp, one day she would be bigger than Eleanor Waldorf and would be able to return to New York, until then, well, she had the holidays over Easter for two weeks and had made some new friends to stay with for the time. Glad to have some work to do she paid little attention to her phone buzzing for quite a while, eventually seeing the blast she grinned at its contents and sent an immediate text to her brother,

_OMG! So pleased for you and Serena, give everyone back in NY my love. Decided I'm coming home for Easter so I'll see you then. J xx_

Suddenly Dan grinned, as he read the message again and again he realised that perhaps it wasn't just Serena he needed but his whole family. Of course everyone else detested his sister but he still saw the innocent fourteen year old rather than the make-up wearing adult. Tapping Serena on the shoulder he spun her around and showed her the message, "Time to prove you love me..."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 – If you had to leave I wish that you would just leave

Easter rolled around fairly quietly on the Upper East Side. April 8th might as well have been any other day for all the changes it caused to most residents of Manhattan. However for Dan it was a great day, Jenny's flight had got into New York the night before and she had wanted to sleep so today was the first time he was going to see her since the summer. Of course she would be jetlagged and horrible to be around but he had missed his little sister and Britain had full sized chocolate eggs for their Easter celebrations and she had promised her family some of them, apparently she was even bringing one for Serena as she was so tied to the whole family now.

The cool air of the fresh morning greeted Dan as he rolled over in his bed to find the fire escape open. Glancing out he saw a blonde figure moving around outside, darting out of his bed he found the two people he hadn't expected to see here standing side by side. Jenny and Serena appeared to be talking in the most civilised manner since Jenny was a freshman at high school. Almost wanting to clap the two on the back for making the effort he wandered over to them, they suddenly broke off the conversation and it strangely reminded Dan of the time he caught Serena and his then best friend Vanessa bonding for the first time, that hadn't exactly gone swimmingly but perhaps his sister and girlfriend would learn to get along.

As she saw him coming Jenny went running over to her brother catapulting along in her high heels. With one courageous leap she ended up in his arms and grabbed hold of him from behind tugging him into a huge hug. "Dan!" she screamed as they embraced. All she could think was that she was home in Brooklyn, actually in her original home and Blair wasn't coming to shove her out. Jenny was fairly sure the Queen of the UES must have heard that the traitor to the state was coming home but she hadn't done anything. Dan was still surprised to see Serena with his sister, considering everything she had said about Jenny in the past it was a wonder she even was thinking about talking to her now. However if miracles could happen this was one Dan was pleased for.  
"Hey Jen, I'm looking out for the flying pigs, are you and Serena _actually speaking_?" He really was as incredulous as he sounded; it was almost as if some random strangers had taken over the two most important girls in his life.

Really Jenny looked no different than before, same blonde hair extensions although they might have been dyed even whiter, the same dark shadowy eyes that had gained her the original raccoon jokes from Eric and the pretty face that was overall his sister. If the clothes she wore were anything to go by, she expected rain. On her feet were the large stilettos but beyond that she wore jeans and a long sleeved top, everything looked like it was braced for the April showers that had been sweeping London. Her hair was wrapped up in a knot beneath her shoulder blade with braids twirling out of it, basically she looked like the Jenny Humphrey he knew and loved. The Jenny Humphrey Serena knew and loathed.

Serena looked on at the reunion and tried to remain impartial to it all. In her heart of hearts she knew she would be acting the same way if Eric came home and she had made a promise to Dan that she would try and be nicer to Jenny in order to keep him sane. Really she wasn't being too bad, going to London seemed to have improved her, or at least reverted her back to the Jenny everyone had originally loved. Now it seemed that her only true friend remaining in New York was Eric and he was away right now. Bitterness was easily felt by Serena recently and she was suddenly hit by a wave of resentment for the fact that Eric sometimes seemed to love his step-sister more than his actual one. Some might argue that Serena loved her step-brother far more than her actual brother but things with Dan were different, they actually were in love rather than in a brother-sister relationship.

Finally disentangling herself from her brother Jenny hopped back into his room and immediately trotted over to Cedric, "Aww the cabbage patch kid is still there, does Blair still tease you about that?" asked Jenny with a laugh remembering the days back when she was impressionable and worked for Blair as if it was her life's duty, those days were certainly gone. Now Jenny was determine to stand on her own two feet, starting with this Easter back with the old crowd.

Serena and Dan followed in behind Jenny and Dan snatched his toy away from his sister how was now tugging it about in an attempt to make the ancient thing look a little more lively. The second Blair was brought up he clammed shut and Jenny gave up on trying to open him up again, instead Serena decided to use the opportunity to speak the message she was given by her mother and by Rufus. "My mom and your dad said that my old room is open for your usage for the time you're here, your room here isn't exactly capable of sleeping anyone anymore." If Jenny was confused as to any part of the answer she didn't show it, instead she breathed her thanks and excused herself to drag her stuff back to the penthouse where her father was waiting for her to return again. She had spent the night before with her mom in Hudson, her mother had been determined to see her before she went off to the rest of her family and also pointed out most of her clothes and items were there and that she might want some of them.

As Jenny went stalking off out the loft Dan hugged Serena to him. "Thank you for being nice," he said, glad that the meeting had gone better than he originally expected. What was the point in his sister coming for Easter if his own girlfriend couldn't put their petty squabble to an end? Turning Serena around they both sat down on the edge of his bed and, as Serena leant her head against Dan's shoulder as she remembered doing so many years before, Dan spoke, "So, what exactly were you doing on my fire escape early in the morning?" he asked her, wondering how she had opened the door to the outside world from his room where she had spent the night. His bed was fairly small and was not made for the two of them to both sleep on it but they were managing, it was fairly awkward for either of them to be around Blair so Serena spent most nights with Dan instead of with her best friend.

The clouds drifted by past his window and Serena didn't answer but Dan didn't really care, it felt nice just to have her here with her head resting against him. Her skin brushing his shoulder was gradually making him more and more determined to use this bed for another purpose. As he brought his hands around her and his face to hers they sank back into the happy pattern they had mastered way back in their junior year.


End file.
